all that is to life is but a matter of choices.
never leave anything to fate.

there's no such thing as destiny.

what happens to you, happens because you chose it to happen.
you don't blame on it fate. you don't blame it on life.

and it wasn't God's fault either. nor is it His plan.
there is no "masterplan". we go through life day by day making decisions.
God doesn't make these decisions. you do.
it was your choice. it is your choice. and it will forever be your choice.
all the way. till the rest of your life.

its called free will. its what He gave you.
it was never His will. its yours all along.

we are not special.
we are not crap or trash either.

we just are.

and what happens, happens because we made it happen.
nobody else.

you can't just stand back and watch everything you've ever worked hard on crumble into pieces. you can't just leave it all to, what, fate? you pick up the pieces and you try to bring it back. but if you can't, it was your decision to give up, right smack in your subconscious, you know that it isn't worth it. but if you decide to fight all the way, it was your decision to keep it. fate has nothing to do with it. destiny is bogus.

you make your own destiny by your choices.

i recently watched a documentary called
"manila 1945: the forgotten atrocities" and i begun to hate the japanese even more.

ok, at first, i hated them from bringing in anime here in the phils (i hate anime, but that's just me.so don't tear my hair out) but now i hate them because they are sick sons of b i t c h e s.

i learned the cruelties they did to the filipino people at the time of the war. how they killed just for the pleasure of seeing people suffer and die. how they throw little children, even babies, up in the air and catch them with their bayonets. how they look for single, virgin women to sexually abuse. how they pour gallons of water down a tube on the nose when they torture.

and what's even worse is after the war, when they lost and they were held captive, the filipino people so readily gave them a pardon and let them go home without so much as a revenge for what they have done to us. nowadays, the streets of ermita, where in 1945 the japanese were so hated by the filipino people, now have japanese restaurants that only japanese tourists can enter. we suck up to the japanese so much nowadays that its totally being stupid. the japanase didn't even say a simple sorry for what they did in the past years. and we suck up to them?

that . is . just . wrong .

its really sad that people just forget that easily.

i'm having the most wonderful, interesting and bizarre dream for a week now.

it has inspired me to write a book.

well, not really. maybe just a short story.

my mom says its probably because of all the books i've read and chocolate cakes i've eaten that triggered this series of very bizarre dreams that are connected.

and because of that, i love chocolate all the more.

i haven't painted for the longest time.

on the other hand, i've caught up on my reading. read 5 books in 2 weeks. not bad.

i have a sudden craving to buy james and the giant peach AND alice's adventures in wonderland. feeling nostalgic all over. hmm. must re-read through the looking glass.

i must. really. i must.

(ramblings of a depressed person with absolutely nothing else to do)

i sat for one hour on a colliqium (did i spell that right?) about bioethanol production. i just didn't felt like going home early but seeing how utterly boring water hyacinths are, and the significance of napier and guinea grass, i left. i'd rather stay home and stuff my mouth with vanilla ice cream than stay there looking all stupid. i was probably the only art student there. not suprising.

i got 3000 pageviews XD

am still in the process of healing (naks)
all people must forgive.and forget.
forget.regret.
or life is yours to miss.

so.yeah.wuteber.

* * *

palahniuks' "diary" is so freaky. something i wouldn't forget for a very long time. i love it!